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These expert tips will help you make the experience less anxiety-inducing, whether you&#039,re looking for something long-term or casual. Looking for love at first swipe? Here's how to make dating apps work for you.

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Dating apps are a dime a dozen these days. They come in all different styles and flavors, but all essentially offer users the same twinkling hope: love at first swipe. Maybe you're thrilled by all the opportunities at your fingertips. Maybe you're absolutely exhausted by it all or just wary of strangers online. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, dating apps — especially in the past year and a half — have become a bigger part of our romantic lives than ever. In fact, of all the fish in the sea in 2020, some 270 million people were on at least one dating app. That's a lot of fish! But it's also a lot of pressure to stand out and to find the right match. If you're stressed about making the most of your dating app experience, remember the stakes don't have to be so high every time," says author and advice columnist John Paul Brammer. Explore Life Kit. This story comes from Life Kit, NPR's family of podcasts to help make life better — covering everything from exercise to raising kids to making friends. For more, sign up for the newsletter and follow @NPRLifeKit on Twitter. "Putting yourself out there is scary . there's always something about us that can shake and wobble," says Brammer, whose advice column ¡Hola Papi! , actually started through Grindr. "Oftentimes we look into that bad date and we think, 'OK, what's wrong with me?'" But a date isn't a mirror. And a dating app should be a tool for connection, not a portal for our anxieties, Brammer says. Flipping the script starts with taking control of your narrative. And being willing to put in the work, says certified dating coach Damona Hoffman. Life Kit. The Key To Flirting? It's Not About You. "You can be online and swiping within minutes. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to have a quality experience if you haven't gone into it with a sense of purpose," says Hoffman. Read on for tips from Hoffman and Brammer for navigating the world of dating apps, or listen to the full podcast at the top of the page. Rethink your story, lower the stakes. Though just about every romantic comedy you've seen or dating app success story you've heard may suggest otherwise, love doesn't always happen overnight or find us when we're least expecting it. Finding a partner on an app — just like in the real world — takes time, effort and openness, says Hoffman. "We are addicted to our stories, and that is often the thing that keeps someone from being able to be successful on a dating app," Hoffman says, "Whether it's the story of I don't want to tell my friends that we met on a dating app or 'I just didn't picture it.' I hear that all of the time." Eschewing old notions of how our love stories unfold and embracing this new dating frontier is the first step to finding success, says Hoffman. From there, lower the stakes of individual online interactions. "I tell my clients to think of the messages and the swipes like coins in the fountain," says Hoffman. "You toss it in and you make a wish. And if it comes true, that's a wonderful thing . If it doesn't come true, it's just a penny. Are you going to get upset about a penny?" Brammer embraces this philosophy with his own dating profile. "When I open a dating app, I have to think, what do I want out of this situation? And that kind of reveals to me maybe something ulterior that I'm looking for," says Brammer. He suggests being honest with yourself about your hopes and then managing your expectations: "If I happen to meet someone today, that's nice. If it doesn't happen, I don't need it." Life Kit. Do We Even Know How To Socialize Anymore? Your dating profile is your "love lab" If you already have social media, you're probably not a stranger to curating your online persona. But portraying an authentic "you" for a potential partner with just a few pictures and paragraphs can feel a lot more stressful than the likes of Instagram or Facebook. Your profile is the most important piece of your online dating experience, says Hoffman, but you shouldn't let that intimidate you. Instead, treat your profile and online dating experience as a living document and "a sort of love lab for your life." Life Kit. Touch & Pleasure Are Essential: Here's How To Give Them To Yourself. When trying to stand out, Hoffman says to keep in mind the three C's: Color: Test out different vibrant, quality photos. Make sure they're up to date, and make sure to crop out other people. You should be the solo star of your profile! Context: Do your photos and text tell the story of who you are? Character: Let your personality shine through! Curious about what you should steer clear of? Hoffman says avoid oversharing, cringe-worthy bathroom selfies or wasting valuable profile real estate detailing what you want or don't want in a partner. "What people tend to do is put their filters up right away . and then you don't get enough options in your dating pipeline," says Hoffman. Instead, focus on making your profile a positive portrait of you because it's "just the entry point" for connection. You can start your filtering process later. Life Kit. What Makes A Good Partner — And How To Cultivate Connection. And if this all feels like a lot to manage, that's OK! Brammer tells us the important thing to remember about profiles is to "put the energy out on the app that you would appreciate attracting." (If you're still struggling to get started, Hoffman actually offers a whole dating profile starter kit for free.) Ditch the checklist. "I find that there's too much focus on finding someone who shares interests with you," says Hoffman.